They have sex about three times a week, which might strike many as enviable, considering that John and Jane—who are in their 40s—have been together for nearly two decades. Based on numbers alone, one might wonder why they need couples counseling at all. But only one of them is happy with the state of play. Or frequency.
I spoke with widows, newlyweds, monogamists, clandestine liaison seekers, submissives and polyamorists after that found there was no such affair as desire too high or at a low level. Male desire is a familiar account. We scarcely bat an eyelash by its power or insistence. Inas experts weighed the moral and medical implications of the first female libido drugI found myself unsatisfied with the myths of excess and deficit on agreement, and set out to understand how women themselves perceive and experience their passions. Over the course of five years, I talked with women after that dozens of sexual health professionals. My reporting took me from coast en route for coast, and spanned conversations from a year-old convinced she was sexually damaged to a year-old learning how en route for orgasm. I spoke with widows, newlyweds, committed monogamists, secret liaison seekers, submissives and proud polyamorists. In Los Angeles, I sat with a group of determinedly nonplussed sex coaches as they took in a live flogging demo, while in New York I stood among a thousand women whipped addicted to a fist-pumping frenzy by a authority who declared the time had appear for them to reconnect to their sensuality.
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Achieve out more. Learning the reasons designed for this difference can help men be converted into better lovers. Most men over 50 can remember experiencing libido as a strong drive — akin, almost, en route for hunger: They felt horny and went after sex. Indeed, some still accomplish. But recent research shows that women experience libido as an urge a good deal less compelling than that. Laumann revealed his findings that 30 percent of women have low or no libido.
Can you repeat that? do women want? It has been at the centre of numerous books, articles and blog posts, and denial doubt the cause of countless agonised ponderings by men and women comparable. But despite decades spent trying en route for crack this riddle, researchers have but to land on a unified characterization of female desire, let alone appear close to fully understanding how it works. But more recent evidence reveals that differences between the sexes can actually be more nuanced or constant non-existent, depending on how you characterize and attempt to measure desire. A few studies have even found that men in relationships are as likely at the same time as women to be the member of the couple with the lower aim of sexual desire.